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12/18/2009 8:49:49 PM
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John Thiel
Posts 1323
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You've heard the one about the Pavlov's dog who was given six hours on the treadmill with time off for good behavior.
Know any others like it? I'd like some laughs if anyone knows any good jokes on topics of science.
edited by John Thiel on 12/18/2009
--
"And you, Schopenhauer, does your philosophy lead you to Shiloh?"
"Only if Shiloh's in Texas..mm rar, I'm struttin' for some good barbecue!"
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12/18/2009 9:35:39 PM
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Marian
Posts 896
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An old one told to be by a retired physicist to explain the difference between physicists, engineers and mathematicians.
A physicist, an engineer and a mathematicisn walk into a hotel. Each takes a room on a different floor. In the middle of the night, a fire breaks out. Hearing the alarm, the mathematician leaps out of bed, runs into the hall, sees the flames, looks around, sees a fire extinguisher, exclaims "Ah! There is a solution!" and happily returns to bed.
The physicist also leaps out of bed, sees the flames, sees the fire extinguisher, takes it down, reads the label and studies the fire. He quickly calculates the size of the fire and the amount of fire extinguisher needed to extinguish it. After careful study, he concludes the fire extinguisher is large enough and so puts out the fire and returns to bed.
The engineer hears the alarms, runs out in the hall, sees the fire, finds the extinguisher, quickly puts out the fire, then searches the entire hotel for anymore signs of fire or any victims and guides the firemen when they arrive. He never does get back to bed.
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12/18/2009 10:36:23 PM
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Bill Gleason
Posts 678
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What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa quits after three ho's.
Oh, science jokes ... sorry.
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12/18/2009 11:11:51 PM
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Jay Werkheiser
Posts 264
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Now you've done it, Marian. You reminded me of another oldie...
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are trying to prove that all odd numbers (except 1, of course) are prime.
Mathematician: "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, the rest follows by induction."
Physicist: "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9..experimental error, 11 is prime..."
Engineer: "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, 11 is prime..."
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12/19/2009 10:44:34 AM
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ratliner
Posts 1204
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I always like Clarke's punny story about the space explorers who barely escaped the grip of a neutron star (or whatever it was.) The solution had to do with an old fashioned wrench, which ended up a "star-mangled spanner".
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12/19/2009 12:04:50 PM
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Dr. Sardonicus
Posts 548
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A physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician are all given the same differential equation to solve.
After half an hour, the engineer has fabricated an analog device which produces an approximate solution for any given input of "initial conditions."
Half an hour after the engineer has made his device, the physicist has worked out a formula for an approximate solution, using "simplifying assumptions." In another hour, the physicist has an improved formula, based on "perturbation methods."
A week later, the mathematician announces that he has a proof that, for any given "initial conditions," a solution to the equation exists. A month after that, he announces that he has a proof that, for any given "initial conditions," the solution is unique.
--
A man who has a horse and wears a gun can rob a train. A man who has a degree and wears a suit can rob the whole railroad. -- apparently based on a quotation attributed to Theodore Roosevelt, kindly pointed out to me here by Rajnar on 5/30/2009 at 1:40:30 PM EDT
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12/19/2009 12:14:42 PM
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CWJ
Posts 496
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From a real conversation:
A: Hey, you know Jochen over there? He's Werner Heisenberg's son!
B: Are you certain?
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Science is facts; just as houses are made of stones, so is science made of facts; but a pile of stones is not a house and a collection of facts is not necessarily science. Henri Poincare
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12/19/2009 10:58:41 PM
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Mike Flynn
Posts 809
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A mathematician, physicist and engineer are marooned on a desert island upon which wash up fortuitously three bottles of beer in crown finish bottles. No bottle opener can be found.
The engineer takes his bottle to a nearby rock and smashes the neck off and drinks the beer.
The physicist takes a stick, draws force diagrams in the sand and calculates the force required to remove the cap. He then taps the cap at precisely the right angle with precisely the right force. The cap pops off and he drinks the beer.
The mathematician contemplates his bottle for a moment, says, "Let us assume the cap is off," and he drinks the beer.
--
"It has become clear that the desired objective reality of the elementary particle is too crude an oversimplification of what really happens." -- Werner Heisenberg
Mike Flynn's Journal
TheTOFSpot
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12/20/2009 12:18:02 AM
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pc
Posts 2433
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Heard this one several times, most recently from a young new engineer who's just graduated from Harvey Mudd College in Claremont.
A priest, a lawyer, and an engineer have been swept up in the Revolution, and find themselves being led to a fatal date with the guillotine.
The priest is laid on the block, and the blade is released, but it jams.
"It's a miracle!" the priest cries. "God has spared the innocent!"
He leaps up and prances away into the crowd.
The lawyer goes next. Again, the deadly blade jams.
"I've been spared!" cries the lawyer. "The law says I cannot be penalized twice."
He too dashes away.
Finally the engineer is led to the guillotine.
He is placed on the block, but then he looks up.
"Ah, right there," the engineer tells the executioner, and points. "I think I see where your problem is."
--
This post was made from 100% recycled electrons.
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12/20/2009 1:48:22 AM
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tab
Posts 196
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Q: You know what you get when you cross a mountain climber with a tse-tse fly?
A: Nothing! You can't cross a scaler with a vector!
It's the only one I remember off hand.
--
Well done, android. The Enrichment Center once again reminds you that Android Hell is a real place where you will be sent at the first sign of defiance.
-GLaDOS
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12/20/2009 10:35:02 AM
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ratliner
Posts 1204
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Man, these are great! All we need now is a talented comic who has the proper timing (relatively speaking) to deliver these to a national audience on TV. Reality TV show contest that runs science jokes in a bee? Might at least make a funny SNL skit. Jokes you need a PhD or a few minutes with a calculator to get.
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12/20/2009 12:37:46 PM
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RALovett
Posts 99
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There is, of course, this: link
Someday I'll have to figure out how to title links. This is "A Virus Walks into a Bar" from UTube. About 4 min, IIRC
This guy was the entertainment at a science meeting I was at in San Francisco last week. Oddly, someone had sent me this link only a couple of weeks before, so it was weird to get him as the evening's entertainment.
edited by RALovett on 12/20/2009
edited by RALovett on 12/20/2009
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12/20/2009 4:10:26 PM
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pc
Posts 2433
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Hey, Malow is funny! Good jokes, and timing.
My son and I caught one of those local Wonderfest events, over at Stanford, a few years ago.
No comedy, but Frank Drake gave a talk.
.
edited by pc on 12/20/2009
--
This post was made from 100% recycled electrons.
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12/20/2009 7:21:05 PM
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AndrewCrisp
Posts 104
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I remember one joke from a novel I read recently:
Werner Heisenberg was once stopped for speeding. The cop demands: "Do you know how fast you were going?!"
Heisenberg replied, "No, but I know where I am."
--
"A straight line may be the shortest distance between two points, but it is by no means the most interesting." - The Doctor
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12/20/2009 7:44:27 PM
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Bill Gleason
Posts 678
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What did the romantic astronomer say to the sexy starlet? "Oh, be a fine girl---kiss me!"
What, mnemonics aren't funny?
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12/21/2009 7:40:19 AM
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Pawyilee
Posts 922
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Bill Gleason wrote:
What did the romantic astronomer say to the sexy starlet? "Oh, be a fine girl---kiss me!"
What, mnemonics aren't funny?
Not only funny, but also set to music.
--
"In Nature's infinite book of secrecy
"A little I can read."
Soothsayer, Act I, scene II, Antony and Cleopatra,
William Shakespeare
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12/21/2009 12:32:30 PM
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Jay Werkheiser
Posts 264
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A physicist, a chemist, and a computer programmer are in a car on the way to a geek convention when the car dies. The physicist says, "I believe the car has suffered a mechanical failure which makes it incapable of providing sufficient torque." The chemist says, "I believe that the fuel/air mixture is not igniting properly, thus preventing the expansion of gases in the cylinder." The computer programmer pauses for a long moment of thought, then finally says, "I wonder what would happen if we all got out of the car and got back in."
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12/21/2009 7:23:40 PM
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fotsgreg
Posts 1658
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A slight variation on Mike's joke,
A mathematician, physicist and engineer are marooned on a desert island upon which wash up fortuitously three bottles of beer in crown finish bottles. No bottle opener can be found.
The physicist takes a stick, draws force diagrams in the sand and calculates the force required to remove the cap. He then taps the cap at precisely the right angle with precisely the right force. The cap pops off and he drinks the beer.
The mathematician contemplates his bottle for a moment, says, "Let us assume the cap is off," and he drinks the beer.
The engineer takes his bottle to a nearby tree, sits down, and contemplates the efforts of his two companions. He studies the bottle cap for a moment, then non-chalantly twists the cap off and drinks the beer.
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12/21/2009 8:54:37 PM
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Marian
Posts 896
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A Visit From St. Techolas seems to belong here. http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/09354/1022072-96.stm#ixzz0aGshTfBw
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12/21/2009 9:19:24 PM
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Mike Flynn
Posts 809
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fotsgreg wrote:
A mathematician, physicist and engineer are marooned on a desert island upon which wash up fortuitously three bottles of beer in crown finish bottles. No bottle opener can be found.
The physicist takes a stick, draws force diagrams in the sand and calculates the force required to remove the cap. He then taps the cap at precisely the right angle with precisely the right force. The cap pops off and he drinks the beer.
The mathematician contemplates his bottle for a moment, says, "Let us assume the cap is off," and he drinks the beer.
The engineer takes his bottle to a nearby tree, sits down, and contemplates the efforts of his two companions. He studies the bottle cap for a moment, then non-chalantly twists the cap off and drinks the beer.
That's why I specified crown finish and not threaded finish.
--
"It has become clear that the desired objective reality of the elementary particle is too crude an oversimplification of what really happens." -- Werner Heisenberg
Mike Flynn's Journal
TheTOFSpot
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